Table of contents
- Find something in common
- Open with a thought-provoking question
- Give an unexpected compliment
- Summary
Find something in common
64% of spouses who share interests believe it has helped their marriages succeed. Finding something in common is also helpful when it comes to writing opening messages on dating sites. Having the same taste in music, sharing hobbies, or another similarity is a great icebreaker and an effective way to kick off a conversation.
- “Hi, that’s such a cute cocker spaniel in your profile pic. I have a three-year-old golden retriever!”
- “I see you’re a fellow (list band) fan—I saw them in concert in (city) this year! What’s your favorite song of theirs?”
- “Hey, I see you play bass. I am a guitarist—we should jam sometime!”
- “It looks like we both went to (list school)! I majored in computer science, how about you?”
- “You look as crazy about hiking as me! Have you ever hiked (list trail)?”
Opening with a message about common interests on a niche dating site may be more challenging. One example involves dating sites for professionals, which cater to busy people. The likelihood of messages getting ignored could be higher than on a more general platform.
If you’re using a niche site for professionals, you could ask your match if they have any favorite ways to recharge after a hectic week. Their profile mentions they like “a good challenge,” ask if working in their field feeds that curiosity.
If you’re both busy professionals who like traveling, ask them which location they would choose if they could work remotely from anywhere for a month.
Roughly 1.3 million business trips take place daily in the US, and the average business traveler goes on 6.8 trips a year. The top corporate travel destinations in the US are NYC, Las Vegas, and San Francisco. A study of 82 leading business travel destinations predicts that African and Middle Eastern cities will dominate rankings by 2032. The top five projected destinations are Lagos, Cape Town, Riyadh, Johannesburg, and Singapore.
Open with a thought-provoking question
An even more creative approach is opening with a deep question that will provoke discussion.
- “Do you think men and women can be friends? Why?”
- “All is fair in love and war. True or false?”
- “It looks like we both love books. What book have you found the most impactful?”
- “What do you think your best and worst qualities are?”
- “What does your ideal Sunday morning look like? Brunch and a movie or a hike?”
The message shouldn’t involve a controversial topic; there are very few exceptions to this rule.
Give an unexpected compliment
The emphasis is on “unexpected.” Don’t tell someone with beautiful pictures that they’re gorgeous: they already know, and they get that 1,000 times a day. A genuine compliment in your opening message on a dating site is a great way to grab their attention.
- “I think it’s super cool that you’re into rock climbing. It seems impossibly difficult; how did you learn?”
- “Your Master’s degree was a huge achievement. What did you study?”
- “Hey, I love the motorcycle jacket in your profile pic! Do you have a bike to go with it?
- “That’s so cool that you ran in the (list race or marathon)! What made you do it?”
As of 2024, 77% of Americans give most compliments in person, and only 23% prefer to give them online. You’d still be in the minority, and compliments make the receiver happier than most people anticipate, according to studies. It could be something to work on as giving compliments is uncomfortable for 43% of Americans.
Recap
- Reference something specific from the other person’s profile
- Ask open-ended questions
- Humor works well in opening lines; just don’t be sarcastic
- Aim for 1-2 sentences; save the longer messages for later in the conversation
- Lines like “Hey” or “What’s up?” are often ignored
- Mention shared hobbies or interests
- Messages on weekends or evenings are more likely to get responses.
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